Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
