ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
