This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
