Cold hands, warm shart.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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