I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
