Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
