I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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