my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
