i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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