I'm lost and stupid without you.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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