btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
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My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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