What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
