now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
