I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
