I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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