I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
