At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
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Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
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I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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