thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
