I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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