i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Your cock deserves a montage
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
