This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
