operation have a gay friend backfired
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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