And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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