Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
