Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am available for nakedness
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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