I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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