Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
