I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
