I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
