when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I will be naked everywhere
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
