My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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