dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
