Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
