Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
