You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
