I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
