I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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