Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
