Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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