Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
