It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
did i walk over a car last night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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