Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
