She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
