If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
