It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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