4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
