woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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