So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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