I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
