i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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