So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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