you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
