god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
