i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
