do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
