Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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