May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
