We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
