i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
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The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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