The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
