I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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