I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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