distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
